Virginia Firearms Checkpoints
BY Herschel Smith
“So today I am announcing that the highways of Virginia will no longer provide a safe avenue for terrorists to transport their illegal firearms and explosives.” Sanderson pounded his own fist on the podium for effect. “Starting today, mobile FIST units will be in operation around the Commonwealth of Virginia, and they will soon be adopted by other states as well, beginning next week with Maryland. These FIST units will provide much-needed security to all of us, by preventing terrorists from getting a free ride on our freeways.
“Now I am asking all of the decent, law-abiding citizens of Virginia to assist our law enforcement officers by cooperating fully when you come upon a mobile FIST unit. Courtesy will be returned to our cooperative citizens, and only a few moments of your time will be required if you are asked to pull over for a brief inspection. I’m confident that the good people of Virginia will consider showing this cooperation to be an opportunity for them to play their own part in our ‘war on terrorism.’
“Additionally, I wish to assure those of you in our immigrant community that FIST units are not intended to harass or intimidate you in any way. The Commonwealth of Virginia respects and welcomes all of our hardworking immigrant population, regardless of their technical documentation status. FIST units will only be looking for illegal firearms, and not for immigration papers.
“I would like to remind my fellow Virginians that all semi-automatic rifles are now illegal, and should have been turned in for destruction already. Also, I would like to remind the hunters of Virginia, and I am proud to say that I am one of that group, that tomorrow, Saturday at midnight, the transportation of sniper rifles will also be forbidden. This is according to President Gilmore’s last executive order, which he made under the provisions of the Patriot Act based upon an ‘imminent terrorist threat.’ A sniper rifle is now legally defined as any rifle with a magnified telescopic sight. After midnight tomorrow, it will be a felony punishable by five years in federal prison to transport a sniper rifle on the highways of the United States.
It looks like it could have been taken from the front pages of the Virginia newspapers in about two or three months, yes?