Guns Won’t Protect You, Old People, You’re Too Old And Weak

BY Herschel Smith
8 years ago

In order to draw as much traffic away from Gawker as I can, I am using the same post title as they did.  In order to enable you to read the entire commentary, I’m reposting it here in full so you don’t have to visit their URL unless you want to.  From the depths of the sewer that is his mind, Hamilton Nolan gives us this.

We live in scary times: sharia law, foreigners, and rape gangs haunt the streets of this once great nation. Some old people believe that they must arm themselves in order to find peace and safety.

Wrong. Old people. Wrong. Want to find safety? Can you even “find [the] safety” on the handgun you’ve purchased? Probably not very quickly, with your poor eyesight and fingers ravaged by arthritis.

The Wall Street Journal reports that interest in guns among retirees is booming. In just the last five years, more old people are buying guns, training with guns, and cupping their hands over their ears to try to hear whether the instructor at their gun safety course said “Shoot” or “Stop.” In this day and age when you have Obama, ISIS, and Chief Keef, you—an elderly American—are thinking seriously about getting yourself a gun, for protection.

Might as well get yourself a dragon, or a unicorn trained to be your bodyguard. That would help you just as much.

When you’re old you’re slow as hell and decades of muscle erosion have made you weak. Pretty much any healthy young person can beat you up. Is a gun gonna even things out? Nope. In order for that gun to work you have to pull it out and aim it in a moment of crisis. While you’re fumbling to do that, all slow, a young person is just pushing you on the ground. And taking your gun out of your feeble hands.

Leave the guns to the young nuts, oldie.

Smoothly drawing a gun from a holster, aiming it quickly, and firing it accurately despite the kickback require a level of strength and dexterity that you just don’t have. I’ll lay 5-1 odds that any street criminal can kick you in the knee and chuckle as you roll around on the ground, grasping for the gun you dropped, as they rifle through your purse and then steal your gun, too. That gun you bought will end up in a pawn shop before you ever get to blow a hole in one of these disrespectful young menaces. Were you to somehow squeeze off a shot in the course of being attacked it’s as likely as not that you’d shoot yourself in the knee replacement as shoot the bad guy. It’s time to wake up and realize that though your irrational age-induced fear of the outside world may be here to stay, so is your physical inability to defend yourself. And where are you going anyhow that’s so scary? The grocery? Those teens may be delinquents but they probably aren’t a stickup gang. Please return that Beretta to the nice gun dealer before you mistake a stray rap lyric for a death threat and put a bullet in some poor C student cutting class. Yes, yes, Have Gun Will Travel was one of your favorite shows, but you’re no Paladin and there ain’t any bandits on horseback in your subdivision. Stop watching cable news so much. All it does is scare you. Failing to take your medication is the greatest threat you need to worry about now.

Your reflexes are faded as hell so you might as well just learn to get along with people. Who do you think you are, Charles Bronson? More like Charles Osgood. Stop acting crazy.

This is Hamilton Nolan.


Yes, that’s really him.  He makes this too easy, yes?

So this commentary is such sewage that it’s difficult to know where to begin, and I won’t offer a complete commentary on his evil antics.  Ignore for a moment what a steaming pile of shit Gawker is.  Ignore the falsity of this premise on guns and the elderly.  Those of us who do gun news searches every day, multiple times per day, know how much guns have helped the elderly and how they need them in an era of increased crime (especially in gang infested areas).  Getting into the details of his premise is what he wants you to do.  I want you to understand the boy, Hamilton Nolan.

How could such a monster exist, you ask?  Well, I am reminded once of a group of Deacons at a church (not mine) whom I overheard at work, and they were having to assist a divorcee woman whose husband left her because he wanted to screw around with a younger woman.  Their assistance involved moving furniture because she could no longer afford the home, repair to the home so that it could sell, and all manner of things families do when they are together.  They didn’t begrudge it, mind you, but every minute they spent doing this was a minute they couldn’t spend doing the same thing for their families.

They decided that they were going to track down this dude and whip his ass for what he did.  There are no longer consequences, they believed, and there had to be some.  No-fault divorce was for the piss ant court system.  They found fault, and they were going to enforce their punishment.  I don’t know what ended up happening.  In a way, Hamilton is like that adulterer husband.  Honoring your father and mother is one of the ten commandments too.  And recall what we’ve discussed regarding the ten commandments – it is called constitutional law, or the moral law.  All sorts of case law and other principles come from it.  So for example, we are told to “rise before the hoary head” in respect for our elders (Lev 19:32, or “stand up in the presence of the aged”).  Boy-Hamilton needs to have someone take him out behind the building and whip his ass.  It won’t happen of course, and that goes to show you how morally corrupt America has become.  In a morally upright America, Hamilton would get his ass whipped for disrespecting his elders.

The final thing I want to leave you with is just what kind of boy Hamilton is.  Hamilton lives in a very dark world, where he sees himself aging (even though apparently at his age he still has acne, he will one day grow old).  He doesn’t want to age because he probably believes that when you die, your body cools to ambient temperature and that’s the end.  Hamilton probably never had a spanking as a child.  His mommy and daddy – if he had one – let him do whatever the hell he wanted to do.  He had no boundaries.  He needed boundaries.  He probably begged for boundaries.  But his parents probably listened to the progressives on family health.

The awful public school system taught him to hate everything and everyone, including himself.  His hatred is so intense, so sweeping and so ubiquitous that he hates the very predecessors who brought him into being.  He hates his elders because he hates who he is and wishes he didn’t exist, even though he wants the monster inside him to keep on living.  He wears effete, metrosexual clothing as an act of self deprecation, and his writing consists of venom to be spewed towards anything that gets in the way.

Hamilton is a sad, sad boy.  Don’t be like Hamilton.

Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. On March 30, 2016 at 7:55 am, said:

    Gun-hating Gawker doesn’t realize there are stories about 90-year-old women shooting burglars. Apparently, they don’t know how to research a story or ignore the results that come out.

  2. On March 30, 2016 at 8:18 am, nolan-nobrain said:

    I’m guessing that a .22 once knocked this delicate feather backwards.Since he couldn’t handle a gun,well,nobody could possibly be better than he was told he was,so somebody has to be thought of as less capable than ‘he’ is,if that’s imaginable.

  3. On March 30, 2016 at 8:32 am, Geoffry K said:

    Guess he never heard of 61 year old Jerry Miculek.
    I’m 3 years older than Jerry and I can handle any gun there is, I’m just not as fast.

  4. On March 30, 2016 at 9:53 am, UNCLEELMO said:

    That’d be great if the YouTube video of ‘geriatric’ Jerry Miculek firing six shots, reloading and firing six more in less than 3 seconds got posted in the comment section of Batman’s column.

  5. On April 2, 2016 at 2:22 pm, Ned Weatherby said:

    What’s interesting to me, Uncle, is the fact that most the people on construction sites (that I know of) are now from 45 years old and up. I mean up to past 70. And these people work for a living. Having a bullshit opinion and posting it – like little turd Hamilton – is fine. But I’d make a bet that he couldn’t keep up with construction workers twice his age. So he can spout, but can’t prove his logical fallacies, even with statistics. Besides, everyone has a right to defend themselves with the proper tools. In fact, the older and weaker one becomes (I’m 58 and a cancer patient) the more I rely on my skills regarding situational awareness and gun handling. And still do construction work. And I’m not in some finite category. It would be easy in this case to call him out, meet in a Dojo and see if he could kick my ass, or those of other guys who are twice as old as he. But that’s just not practical, and becomes tortured keyboard commando stuff.

    I have a feeling he will have to learn the hard way.

  6. On April 2, 2016 at 3:39 pm, UNCLEELMO said:

    Regarding ‘older’ people in the workplace; it was a few years back a survey was done to find out employer’s preferences in their employees. I believe it was 70 or 80% preferred those over 55. Their choice had to do with ‘work ethic’. They said younger workers didn’t have any.

    Ham probably thinks work is for suckers, not realizing it was work that built the country whose freedoms he now enjoys.

  7. On March 30, 2016 at 8:35 am, Haywood Jablome said:

    This boy would pass himself if he ever looked down the barrel of a fun…I don’t give a crap who was holding it.

    What an insecure little turd.

  8. On March 30, 2016 at 8:39 am, MrApple said:

    “Your reflexes are faded as hell so you might as well just learn to get along with people.”
    So leave self defense to the young and just learn to become a noble victim. F#*K THAT!

  9. On March 30, 2016 at 8:54 am, Fred said:

    Who would tell those of us that most need an equalizer to be weak and stay weak. Who enjoys seeing harm come to the defenseless? Who wants the least among us to be harmed? Who is the author of deceit, and disdain for life? His ideas come from only one place, evil. I’ll pray this boy gets a whoopin’ alright, a good and proper one from the Holy Spirit of God Almighty.

  10. On March 30, 2016 at 9:25 am, Jay Ar said:

    Herschel – to save yourself the space from linking entire articles, check out the website “”. It allows you to link to a snapshot of a website, which is very useful when you want to link to crap articles but don’t want to give them clicks.

  11. On March 30, 2016 at 10:44 am, john joseph jay said:


    i am 68, old & feeble in comparison to my days of vigor & vim. in those days i walked into many a rough place w/out giving it a thought. i don’t do so anymore.

    mr. gawker might be interested to know that i am still able to manipulate the controls and pull the slides back on the 1911 colt pistol, caliber .45 acp. and, that i can hit a 25 yard target w/ it w/ some regularity, and knock over the falling plates at 10 to 15 yards w/ more alacrity than he might expect.

    i prefer the 185 grain loads hornady makes for the .45 acp. they function very smoothly in my 1911, and they pack a fair punch. bring on the little young thugs, and see how they like a does of .45 acp pills, when accosting old poops like me.

    john jay
    milton freewater, oregon

  12. On March 30, 2016 at 10:46 am, john jay said:

    that should be “dose” of .45 acp pills, and not “does.” i don’t see so well, either. laughing. but, well enough to see a 6″ plate at 45 feet.

  13. On March 30, 2016 at 10:47 am, rjschwarz said:

    Gawker writer clearly has never held a gun or known an old person.

  14. On March 30, 2016 at 11:19 am, Ed said:

    Don’t pick a fight with an old man. If he is too old to fight, he’ll just kill you.

    I’m 73 which makes me old and weak in the eyes of the ‘man child’ that wrote the article. “Smoothly drawing a gun from a holster, aiming it quickly, and firing it accurately despite the kickback require a level of strength and dexterity that you just don’t have.” Sorry Hamilton but I still have the strength and dexterity to do all of that with my S & W Governor and what I lack in accuracy is made up for by shooting .410 caliber 000 buckshot.

  15. On March 30, 2016 at 11:52 am, notalima said:

    Its Gawker, who 7 steps less informed than the average anti-gun journo.

    Reading the commentary from the Gawker audience it appears their ideology is: “No gun, call the police and die while you wait. You’re going to die anyway, so why give the bad guy a free gun.”

  16. On March 30, 2016 at 12:12 pm, Herschel Smith said:

    Yea. Powerlessness and lack of personal responsibility in the face of evil and threats to your own life. Because they don’t see man as made in God’s image. Man is a boil on the ass of the planet to them.

  17. On March 31, 2016 at 9:37 am, Ned Weatherby said:

    Dang, Herschel, this is a tough one. The little turd actually DOES seem to be a boil on the ass of the planet. Lucky for him, and me, my thoughts about him may be forgiven by my savior, who died for my sins – including thinking this guy is a boil on the ass of the planet.(Sorry – I like that sentence – may have to borrow it again.)

    But what a little dipshit. More “elderly” men than he’d ever believe are armed at our church. So is the pastor except when he’s wearing vestments for service. And like Ed said above – don’t pick a fight with a man who can’t physically overpower you. He’ll just smoothly draw and carefully shoot you.

  18. On March 31, 2016 at 2:43 pm, Herschel Smith said:

    Yes, Ned. The guy is clearly a dick. But arguments over guns for me misses the point. So the elderly are as good as many younger men or women. Or they are worse. So what?
    It is our duty to listen carefully to our elders as their thoughts become cloudy and tongues slip. It is our duty to protect them as best as we are able, and to provided for them, to encourage them and ensure that their remaining days are productive and to make them know we love them. To make them happy, to meet their needs, to feed them, to give them medical care, to be patient with them, to wait patiently behind their slowing automobiles as they want to give themselves extra distance, and so on.
    It is a test of our moral fiber, our character, our Christlikeness. So says our Lord and savior. Hamilton is exemplary of everything you don’t want to be – in every way.

  19. On March 30, 2016 at 12:07 pm, Billy Mullins said:

    I’m 65 and I have no trouble drawing a full size .40 cal Glock from either my Remora IWB concealed holster or my double retention former duty holster (from when I worked security armed) when I carry openly. True, I’m neither as strong nor as fast as I once was but I am MUCH more paranoid and entirely willing to play the weak sickly old man for a jury.

    That boy, as my Jr. High football coach used to say, is “Plumb eat-up with the dumbs!”.

  20. On March 30, 2016 at 12:24 pm, Backwoods Engineer said:

    I’d just like to say, I (almost 50 years old) got beat at the last USPSA match by two Super Seniors who are classified Class B and Master, respectively. The Class B guy was once a Grand Master, and he deliberately tones it down on classifier stages to stay Class B, so he can compete with his granddaughter. He is 77 years old.

    The Master class shooter is, get this, 84 years old.

    At age 50, I still have an under-1-second draw.

    Don’t discount the old guys, Batman.

  21. On March 30, 2016 at 11:18 pm, Patriot Girl said:

    Love it!!

  22. On March 31, 2016 at 6:53 am, Danny Ray said:

    I am 71 just won the match at Escambia River, I am 32 years older than the second place finisher

  23. On March 30, 2016 at 12:59 pm, Jack Crabb said:

    Hamilton Nolan is as stupid looking as he is stupid thinking. That is one sorry ass excuse for a human being, trumpeting in favor of denying the God-given right of self-protection to those that need it most.

  24. On March 30, 2016 at 1:24 pm, Randolph Carter said:

    Thank heaven for Hulk Hogan.

  25. On March 30, 2016 at 4:30 pm, Pat Hines said:

    Mr. Nolan apparently didn’t see this, an event that took place in Florida three years ago.

  26. On March 30, 2016 at 5:03 pm, Warmongerel said:

    As I’ve always said: Leftists are the children who were bullied and picked on. The misfits. And they’ve never been able to get beyond the emotional trauma and grow up.

    Take one look at this guy’s picture and you’ll know what I’m talking about.

  27. On March 30, 2016 at 8:19 pm, Haywood Jablome said:

    Oh, and I hope he kept the receipt for his little mask so that he can return it for rent money. Once the rag Gawker loses their appeal in the Hulk Hogan case, they will be out of “business”. And, boy, will they be missed!

  28. On March 30, 2016 at 11:11 pm, Patriot Girl said:

    I’d love to take this jacka$$ on in the range. My old & feeble self could outdraw, out shoot, out kick his scrawny, ignorant, arrogant, pipsqueak, pathetic butt any day of the week. And I’ll do it with my “weak” hand to even things up. Maybe even wear some of my marksmanship medals just to piss him off

  29. On March 31, 2016 at 12:34 am, cjleete said:

    What a dope. My 68 year old mom can handle my old 1911A1 and loves the 4″ .38 that I bought for her, arthritis and all.

  30. On March 31, 2016 at 6:49 am, Danny Ray said:

    I went to Gawker and read the comments, ( please forgive me Herschel ) wow the author disgusted me but the people who commented on it are unbelievable, as a fat old white guy please let one of these people come to my house and break in

  31. On March 31, 2016 at 7:49 am, Damocles said:

    Gotta love it when ignorant choads like this who have no experience in life in general, try to be experts on things like firearms. The mom jeans section is that way….derrrrpp…

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You are currently reading "Guns Won’t Protect You, Old People, You’re Too Old And Weak", entry #15002 on The Captain's Journal.

This article is filed under the category(s) Firearms,Gun Control,Guns and was published March 29th, 2016 by Herschel Smith.

If you're interested in what else the The Captain's Journal has to say, you might try thumbing through the archives and visiting the main index, or; perhaps you would like to learn more about TCJ.

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