What Does A Bassoon, Rifle And Mozart Have In Common?

BY Herschel Smith
5 years, 6 months ago

It’s not a trick question.  Nothing.

This summer, bassoonist Eric Barga drove to Covenant Presbyterian Church in Springfield, Ohio, after a day of teaching at his old school, Kenton Ride High School.

Eric was half an hour early for bell choir practice. To pass the time, he pulled out his custom-made Fox 610 red maple bassoon, sat down on the boot of his car and started playing some scales.

Seven minutes later, Springfield police received a 911 call, saying there was a white male in a jacket and jeans sitting on the back of his car by the church holding what looked like a long rifle.

Five minutes later, two police vehicles arrived on the scene.

“They didn’t immediately approach me,” Eric told Springfield News. “I saw a big police van roll up really slowly. I wasn’t concerned that I was doing anything wrong.”

Eric wondered if someone had made a noise complaint about him. The idea that someone might have mistaken his bassoon for a rifle, he said: “never crossed my mind”.

“In the right kind of light, it looks like a bazooka,” he said, “but I don’t think it was the right kind of light.”

The officers approached him.

“At this point, I realise they’re confronting me. I put on a little dopey smile and said, ‘Did somebody call the cops on me?’

“I didn’t really feel threatened. “I don’t get nervous. Years of music school (performance) beats that out of you.”

By the time the officers got to Eric’s car, they had realised the gun was in fact a musical instrument and were laughing. They even asked Eric: “Is that a bassoon or an oboe?”

Eric treated the officers to a bit of Mozart’s Bassoon Concerto before they left him to his practice.

So has America reached the stage of being worthy of ridicule?  I’m asking.  Readers can weigh in.  I know the country has in the main succumbed to the obscene, but now it looks like the three stooges.  Because I think we’re there.  We’ve finally arrived.

Here are a few observations.

First, he’s right, music performance school beats the nerves out of you.  My son, Joseph, is Concertmaster of the Austin Lyric Opera and a member of the Austin Symphony, has appeared on Austin City Limits (twice), has played with Peter Gabriel, recorded for Christopher Cross and many others.  You have to lasso your nerves to do that sort of thing.  He handled it like a champion.

Second, Americans need to take music lessons.  All Americans.  And no, rap and modern teen pop doesn’t count.  To mistake a Bassoon for a long gun is a sign that someone needs to learn the musical instruments.  You know those piano lessons your mom wanted you to take as a child, and that caused rebellion in the ranks?  Yea, those lessons.  They did you good, and you should have finished them.  And you should learn to play a string or wind instrument too.  It creates an appreciation for art, for the good things in life, for the beautiful, the exquisite, and the majestic.  It also constructs the neural networks to understand math.  Music students have an easier time with math.  My son has his own studio, and many of his students are Asian.  It’s virtually expected that Asian kids will learn music.  American kids are learning teen pop and rap.

Third, Americans need to learn firearms.  A Bassoon doesn’t look like a long gun.  A long gun doesn’t look like a Bassoon.  If I have to say any more about that, it’s time wasted on imbeciles.  And knowing how to handle firearms and being ready to use them is the surest, quickest way to handle active shooter threats, as opposed to hiding under desks and throwing potted plants as suggested by the Department of Homeland Security.

I mean, how cool would it be to do math, play a musical instrument and handle an active shooter in the same day?  You would certainly go to bed that night confident in your station in life.


  1. On October 14, 2018 at 10:03 pm, Dan said:

    Incidents such as this merely serve to prove the assertion that the average IQ in America is plummeting faster than a stockbroker on Black
    Friday. A century ago we plugged up the filter in the gene pool with the advent of antibiotics, modern medicine and technology filled ER’s. We
    have subsidized stupidity, incompetence and rampant reproduction via
    the insanity of welfare and saddled the competent and industrious with an ever expanding burden of rules, regulations and taxes. That concerted and successful effort by the lib left has brought us to our present day
    predicament where the insane are running the asylum. And short of rounding up the massive number of insane running amok and LOCKING THEM AWAY there is no solving the problem. We have met the enemy and they are us.

  2. On October 15, 2018 at 3:44 am, Ratus said:

    This isn’t unbelievable at all.

    Hell, two morons saw an umbrella at a mall in Massachusetts in 2011 caused an evacuation.

    “Apr 19, 2011 · Two customers mistook this umbrella for a rifle, causing a scare at the Burlington Mall on Tuesday… “

  3. On October 15, 2018 at 7:41 am, Longbow said:

    He’s lucky to be alive.

  4. On October 15, 2018 at 8:19 am, Frank Clarke said:

    What was it Mencken said? “You’ll never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.”

  5. On October 15, 2018 at 8:25 am, Mark Matis said:

    Mr. Banga is very lucky that Springfield’s finest did not empty their service weapons into him, reload, and do a second round. But then it was Springfield, and not Long Beach:

    Although Jerry Waller could confirm that there is the same stench in Dallas. If he was still alive, that is…

  6. On October 15, 2018 at 8:47 am, Fred said:

    “It also constructs the neural networks to understand math.”

    It’s been found that Piano may also help to connect the language center and the math center of the brain. This makes one intellectually smarter for sure but still, common sense can only be learned by failing and getting spanked as a child and getting punched in the nose by bigger kids/adults.

    The problem is two fold, well, I guess it’s only one problem really, merit. I was going to say a lack of intelligence and common sense are the problems but a meritocracy solves both.

    That’s pretty cool about your son, proving once again that you never really know who you’re talking with.

  7. On October 15, 2018 at 9:16 am, June J said:

    “You know those piano lessons your mom wanted you to take as a child, and that caused rebellion in the ranks? Yea, those lessons. They did you good, and you should have finished them.”

    The biggest regret of my childhood is not embracing and continuing the piano lessons my mother insisted by brother and I taking. My brother continued on and has enjoyed playing musical instruments his entire life, and in his retirement decided to seriously pursue guitar and songwriting. Now performing his own songs in coffee shops and small venues in NC.

  8. On October 15, 2018 at 10:36 am, Michael said:

    Who confuses a bassoon or an oboe with a rifle?

  9. On October 15, 2018 at 12:10 pm, MadMagyar said:

    Elmer Fudd . . . no, wait, he’s a maroon.

  10. On October 15, 2018 at 12:42 pm, Stoutcat said:

    Who confuses an oboe with a bassoon?

  11. On October 15, 2018 at 1:11 pm, Fred said:

    It certainly was an honor, today, to meet Mrs. Marsha Blackburn, (https://www.marshablackburn.com) TN State Representative and now candidate for the US Senate, as well Mr. Chris Cox of the NRA.

    The meet and greet was attended by Gun Enthusiasts, hosted by local NRA and Local business owners, and was covered by local Press; I’ll probably be on TV again. At least 5 people from her campaign staff (Hi Alex, it was nice to see you again) were with her.

    I asked Mr. ‘Call me Chris’ Cox, one on one, ‘when is the NRA going to demand the immediate and complete repeal of all gun laws in the country?’ His answer; ‘As soon as we get enough Republicans elected. We have gotten (I’ve forgotten the number he stated)… X number, of states to pass Right to Carry laws.’ (How I manage to stay calm is a testament to Christ Jesus.)

    After their little dog and pony spiel it was opened up for questions. A guy in a MAGA hat asked; ‘All our senators suck, are you going to suck also’? That’s not exactly what was asked but yeah, you get the point. Her answer was something about a wall in china and tariffs with Mexico or maybe I have those backwards.

    Then, I asked; ‘Where do you stand on volunteer Administrators, School Staff, and Teachers being trained to carry firearms in schools, and Perhaps, Chris(spit), would like to weigh in as well.’ Sensing a trap, (he was right) Mr. Cox jumped right in and stated that depending on the situation and environment some locations would opt for po po, or off duty po po, or trained volunteers (Oathkeepers tactic) and other security measures, and that some locations might opt for trained school staff as well. I then asked; ‘And the Candidate?’ while looking at Representative Blackburn. She said that she favored po po in the schools.

    to which after only 2 questions, the Q&A was abruptly ended. I have that effect on liars and thieves.

    I’ve tried not to interject too much sarcasm and ire but I just can’t help it.

    Opinion: The NRA is a total Psychological Operation designed to keep you under control. I’m actually beginning to think it’s CIA. Mr. Cox is much smoother a politician than Mrs. Blackburn.

    So, turning your schools into prisons, to keep your children safe is ‘the Candidates’ (heh) position. Isn’t this an encapsulation of everything the Republican Party believes? More Security, more Government, more Institutional Control, more Stateism? It won’t be long until prisons are no longer needed as the school to prison pipeline will be completed by controlling every one and every thing, for your freedom, at gun point, for your own good, or else. Remember, Joe Biden, a gun control Democrat, introduced the Gun Free Kill Zone Schools Act in 1990 and now the republicans are all too happy to enFORCE it.

    It’s hard to convey in writing the tone of these interactions. Suffice it to say that fire from the right, is definitely on their minds.

    I’m 100% certain that my question will not make it to mainstream press but I can guarantee that Mrs. Blackburn’s answer of more po po everywhere will. Nor will Mr. Cox ever call for the immediate and complete repeal of all gun laws in the US.

    I do enjoy looking these folks right in the eye. The devil only likes darkness.

    – ProGunFred

  12. On October 15, 2018 at 1:27 pm, Fred said:

    Oh, I forgot to mention that afterwards during chit chat among everybody an NRA guy tried to Delphi Technique me into admitting that po po everywhere is the only sound solution. With him, I was much less polite in tone and words. The NRA is a scam.

  13. On October 15, 2018 at 2:17 pm, Gryphon said:

    This one’s really Weird… standard thugpig procedure would have been to first Antagonize the Musician, to get him to say or do something ‘threatening’, then Dump several Magazines in his general direction. All Fine, as long as the pigs go Home Safe at Night.

  14. On October 15, 2018 at 5:12 pm, Georgiaboy61 said:

    Re: “So has America reached the stage of being worthy of ridicule? I’m asking. Readers can weigh in.”

    In a word, the answer to the question posed is “Yes!” – emphatically. Readers ma be familiar with the satirical publication “The Onion.” How those guys manage to stay in business is beyond me, given that present day events make even the wildest satire of a decade ago seem tame. To coin a phrase, you can’t make this stuff.

    Karl Marx wasn’t right about much, but his observation (below) was right on the money: “History repeats itself, first as tragedy, then as farce.”

  15. On October 15, 2018 at 5:14 pm, Georgiaboy61 said:

    Re: ” Readers ma be familiar with the satirical publication “The Onion.” – that’s “may”…

    “To coin a phrase, you can’t make this stuff” ought to read “To coin a phrase, you can’t make up this stuff.”

    Apologies for the errors…

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You are currently reading "What Does A Bassoon, Rifle And Mozart Have In Common?", entry #20128 on The Captain's Journal.

This article is filed under the category(s) Firearms,Guns and was published October 14th, 2018 by Herschel Smith.

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